


Aftermath of Idiocy

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-19
Updated: 2007-12-19
Packaged: 2019-01-23 13:36:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12508620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: [Fic Exchange '07] The Weasley family is made up of a bunch of blithering idiots, one Katie Bell decides on a fine autumn day. How, may you ask, did she come to this conclusion? Well, it was all a matter of evidence.





	Aftermath of Idiocy

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**Merry Christmas, Allison (outrageouslyso)!**

 

**Aftermath of Idiocy**

 

The Weasley family was made up of a bunch of blithering idiots, one Katie Bell decided on fine autumn day. How, you may ask, did she come to this conclusion? Well, it was all a matter of _evidence_.

To support her case, at Exhibition A was Idiot Number One, otherwise known Ron Weasley, who had just smashed a Quaffle into her nose. At Exhibition B, was Fred Weasley, Idiot Number Two, who had given her the _wrong damn pill,_ and made the nosebleed incurred by Idiot Number One _worse_. One of those Blood Blisterpods from the crazy Skiving Snackboxes the twins had been working on, but they couldn't give her the counter-pill, because they didn't _have_ one yet.

Idiots, she says.

Either side of her, Fred and George were doing a remorseful tap dance of apology, but Katie was in no mood to play along. She remained silent as they helped her up to the Hospital Wing, not only in an attempt to collect her temper before it went flying off into the galaxy, but because she doubted it'd be good for her health to have her blood pressure go up with her life fluids gushing out of her nose. 

She imagined if Muggle cartoons were to be believed, little canaries would be dancing around her head right now in tune with the dizziness, and knees feeling weak, Katie was in danger of toppling over at any moment. She wasn't sure if she could make it up the second flight to the Hospital Wing, when unexpectedly, George scooped her up into his arms. 

Startled, she stared back at him in askance, but his only response was a quirk of the lips and a quiet "Well, you looked like you were going to pass out on your feet, little lady." Katie would have been offended at the slight, but he _was_ six inches taller than her, so she supposed it was true enough.

"I'm still taller than Alicia," she muttered, and he snorted. It wasn't hard to be taller than Alicia, who, at 5'2", was shorter than most people.

They finally arrived at the Hospital Wing doors, and the loud thumping of George's Quidditch boots as he kicked the doors open brought Madam Pomfrey out of her office. "My dear," the matron exclaimed, eyes widening in shock as she spotted Katie. "What on earth—" 

Madam Pomfrey broke off as she caught sight of the twin redheads with her, face going dark with disapproval. "Why am I not surprised to see that it has something do to with you two," she muttered, clucking her tongue. "What happened this time?" The twins exchanged looks, then by popular, but silent vote, Fred was chosen the recount the woeful tale.

"Well, Ron, the stupid prat that he is, threw the Quaffle a tad too hard and it went flying straight into poor Katie's nose," he began slowly. "It started bleeding so I rather heroically tried to give her a little something to help stop it, only-"

"It made it worse, instead of better," George continued, picking up the story, "and now it won't stop and she's looking a little..."

"Peachy."

Madam Pomfrey glared, and asked, "Should I even bother asking what that little something was?" Not waiting for a reply she knew she wouldn't get, she got to work on Katie, waving her wand and pouring potion after potion down the girl's throat, grumbling under her breath all the while about fools and the dangers of Quidditch.

At some point the potions took effect, and Katie could feel the pain receding and the magic positively _twinkling_ in her as the bleeding stopped. A rather delirious high was settling comfortably in her veins, filling her with a zen-like calm.

"Are you quite done yet?" she asked the brothers serenely, all peace, love, and harmony for mankind now that the pain was gone. "If so, I'd like you to smack Fred across the head for me, George, as I'm much too pleasantly indisposed right now to lift my arm and do so myself."

Laughing, he complied, and Katie felt a dark approval in seeing Fred grimace with _pain_. The feeling increased as she watched the twins bicker over their brotherly bond of same spermage, and the boundaries to which it could be stretched. Luckily, Madam Pomfrey had left the room and wasn't around to witness the disturbance of the peace.

"It breaks the rules of twinhood to cause grievous bodily harm to one with the same face as one's self," Fred declared. "And I am grievously harmed!" 

"However, the grievous harm undertaken by our lovely Chaser, Katie here far surpasses the grievous harm done to thineself, and so therefore takes further priority," George shot back, slipping a sly wink to Katie on the bed.

"I call for a re-inspection of this prognosis," Fred retaliated, and Katie couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of her. Before she could say anything though, Madam Pomfrey was bustling back into the room, authoritative face of power inplace. 

"Out! Out of my hospital wing, you scallywags," she frowned. "Katie's lost a lot of blood today, and she needs her rest. I won't have the two of you interfering with that."

Madam Pomfrey managed to bully them out of the Hospital Wing eventually, but not before George whispered that they'd come back later to Katie, and sneaked in a cheeky kiss on the lips. She'd feigned outrage at the time, but as soon as they'd gone, she had buried a smile into her pillow, dark hair covering her face.

\---

In between her naps, throughout the rest of the day the other team members came to visit Katie. Angelina kept it short, simply telling her to get better soon so they could get practicing again, but Alicia stayed longer to gossip, and left flowers at her bedside when she went. Katie felt a little mean for her comment about her height earlier, and vowed to do something in return for her teammate.

Harry swung by as well with a contrite Ron in tow, bearing chocolate. Katie would have stayed annoyed at the Keeper for longer, only it was hard to be petty when he looked that pathetic. An idiot was an idiot after all, and she accepted his awkward apologies with grace. The chocolate from Honeydukes helped, but then again chocolate from Honeydukes always helped make things better. She did have the sneaking suspicion though, that Hermione had been the one to suggest the buy, and as from her general recollections, Ron wasn't much by way of the thoughtful sort.

When she didn't see George again for the rest of the day, she tried to not let it get to her. Katie wasn't entirely sure what to think about the kiss he had left her with, but it was always hard to tell with the Weasley twins involved. They were bright, funny, charming little buggers, but they could also be mysterious as hell. She still hadn't forgotten the weeks she and the other girls had spent trying to figure out how they got their hands on Firewhiskey for the Gryffindor parties.

She tried to write it off as a friendly peck, telling herself that it was best she not think about it too much, elsewise whenever he _did_ come back, she'd act all weird around him. Dammit, but boys were stupid. Stupid, moronic, _confusing_ boys, and the thought made Katie unbearably grumpy all over again. One of the things she detested most was to feel like a petulant child, but her head hurt, and she was dizzy, and she had suffered public humiliation today in front of _Slytherins_ , so _screw it_ , she was allowed to be a little sulky. 

Katie's resentment and umbrage built up the more she thought about it, so that by the time she fell asleep quarter past seven, and he _still_ hadn't come back to see her, Katie was filled with angry self-righteousness. Oh, Merlin, but George Weasley was going to get a beating when she got her hands on him.

\---

It was dark out when Katie was startled awake, moon having risen to its peak by now. Someone was standing over her, and she would have screamed if it weren't for the hand covering her mouth. "Shh," the stranger murmured in her ear. "It's me. Don't want the old bat to wake up and ruin our fun, now would we?" She relaxed, having recognized the voice as either Fred or George's. She wanted it to be the latter, which was precisely why she asked him if it was Fred. A girl had to have her secrets after all.

The voice sounded offended when it responded. "Of course not, it's George," he said. "I said I'd be back, didn't I?"

"Took you a while," she retorted, satisfied. "And you said ï¿½we' so I assumed Fred would come with you. You also never said that you'd come back at bloody midnight."

"Minor technicality," countered the shadow now identified to be George. "But I could go fetch my esteemed brother first if you like. I warn you though, these bottles of Butterbeer that I have here in my pocket aren't coming back if I do. Don't think they'll take the strain of going back upstairs and down again very well."

Katie resisted the urge to smile at his childishly put-out tone. "Don't you dare," she told him. "Hand the goods over." 

"Happy to oblige," he replied cheerfully, all rainbows and puppies now. Seeing him smile, Katie reckoned she could relate to how the leprechauns had felt when they'd come to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It had been a goblin actually who had dropped a crate of Nifflers by accident and found an old hideaway of gold, or so it was said. Katie didn't personally didn't believe that it was purely by chance of course. Everyone knew goblins never did anything by accident, least of all when it had anything to do with money and riches.

She popped open the cap of the bottle and took a swig. Moaning with pleasure, Katie laid back and let the delicious warmth tingle throughout her body. There were few things she took more pleasure in than Butterbeer, and George, the crafty schemer he was, knew it. She was surprised however, when she opened her eyes and saw him leaning over her, a peculiar look in his eyes.

"What is it?" she asked self-consciously, checking to see if there was anything on her. "I didn't spill, did I?" As she watched him, he shook the weird mood off, normal again.

"Nothing," he grinned. "You just looked cute drinking the Butterbeer."

Katie could feel herself go scarlet, and was thankful it was night because as it was, she was sure he could see the blush spreading over her cheeks. "Stop trying to get back into my good graces, Weasley. It's your fault I'm in here to begin with," she accused, even though she knew full well that it was Fred who had given it to her, not George. The numbers printed at the back of their Quidditch robes were different.

"You wound me, Katie, my silver bell," he proclaimed melodramatically. "I did no such thing. My incarnadine hand may have played a part in the creation of the mistaken pill, but as you remember, that same hand didn't give it to you. It was my identical twin with the same face as I, and for this, I am eternally shamed."

He collapsed on the bed, defeated, causing Katie to giggle irrepressibly. "Careful, or Pomfrey will hear you, silly."

"I care naught for it all! Come, evil spirits, denounce me as you will, for my darling Katie believes ill of me!"

"Shut up, you tosser," she replied, throwing a pillow at him. George only caught it and tucked it under his head, turning to face her. 

"Make me," he challenged. She hesitated, instinctively feeling as though she should hold back but she ignored it determinedly. Katie grabbed a pillow off the next bed, and swung her bare legs over the edge to stride over to where George lay. She would have preferred to have _marched_ over there instead, but with less than a metre's space between the cots, it would have been neither effective, nor particularly noticeable. 

Katie lifted the pillow over her head, laughing as she tried to smother him with it, but he caught her wrists and flipped her over so that she was pinned beneath him. Funny, she wasn't laughing any more, and it didn't seem like an innocent game between children with George looking at her with that intense gaze. She tried shrugging it off by asking him what he was doing but he didn't reply, instead kept staring at her, face unreadable.

He lowered his eyelashes, long, she noticed, and bent his head towards hers. Katie thought she should maybe squirm away or something, but the weight of his body stopped her. That, and the sudden paralysis that had caught hold of her, but the closer his hypnotic blue eyes came, the more she found she didn't want to move. 

Katie breathed in, closed her eyes, and let it all go.


End file.
